ULTIMATE PRODUCTIVITY HACKS FOR THE BED RIDDEN FREELANCER

If you’re reading this you’ve come to the eye opening, life altering, somewhat depressing realization that being your own boss was just bollocks.

If you haven’t hit this realization yet then enjoy the honeymoon, it won’t last long.
I promise this is going to be a serious, soul searching article at least until it veers into the possibly “werey” that is my personal experience.
Now back to the subject at hand. The moment you realize that freelancing is actually sorta harder than a regular paid gig is when all the enthusiasm about working on jobs you love and declining other types of projects becomes replaced by concerns of how exactly you’re going to pay your internet bill, utilities for an office you’re hardly ever in, because couch potato or you’ve got a desk at home and other seemingly necessary necessary things, like feeding!! Not that as a creative you really need food, although at this point you’ve probably started subsisting on instant noodles, cereals and the local doughnut vendor. This is finally where the depression sets in, and with it a rueful realization, a realization that now not only would you execute those jobs you quit the corporate cycle for, you actively have to chase and land them! Oh the irony, as the spirit of the ‘had I known’ descends on you with a vengeance, your mind undergoes a reactionary process, the shutdown. Sometimes it’s immediate, other times it’s after a while of self sustenance from doing all the things that made you despise corporate life in the first place.

When you have reached this point and have become worn down and incapacitated by regret or sheer laziness such that you are unable to execute a job in the time it requires, these are some time tested productivity Hacks by yours truly, your brother in freelancing.
1. Blow Money Fast: Nothing makes you realize the need to get up and work and get paid like seeing your account balance deplete with every swipe of your card on the POS or that small text notification sound that follows immediately after withdrawing cash from the ATM. If you can’t bring yourself to finish a gig, then one reason is probably because you’re not broke yet, so go out, have a drink, then two, then pay for a random person’s drink, buy an accessory or even work related gadget you’ve obviously done so well without for quite a while now. Help the guys to ‘wash things’ or ‘launch things’ whichever slang is appropriate for the occasion.
2. Become a parent: Now since you don’t have a nine month window to get this done, heck you’re trying to finish up a client’s project that’s been stalled for crying out loud, you can simply decide to take on the responsibilities of raising a kid, a younger sibling, a nephew or niece, but not the cute ones who don’t even have milk teeth yet, they’re adorable, and so are their looks. I’m talking of the early teen kids who have discovered the art of talking back and who for some weird reason always come back from school wth a request for new textblooks, money for a class trip or project or pay for damaged school property. There’s nothing like being a deadbeat relative who couldn’t live up to their promises.

3 Hang Around Unemployed People: In this current economy, these things are likey to happen, you’ll be asked to help  them with jobs, they’ll ask you to help them with money they’re probably never going to pay back,  you’ll take a cue from their situation and return your ass to work.
4 Give The Client their money back: oh wait, you’ve spent it already? Or you just don’t see yourself doing that? Exactly, now get back to work!

Kermit says so!!

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